When we grow emotionally, it affects people around us. As we change the stance we take in the world, and the stance we take for ourselves, how people perceive and interact with us must also change. But this doesn’t always happen simultaneously. Often there is a lag,
For example, let’s say you’ve been a somewhat easy going person, and you let put downs roll off of you, without comment. You come to realize that these put downs accumulate, like calcium on pipes, and start clogging up your self-esteem. So you decide to take a stand for yourself and start responding to put downs, not by escalating them with aggression, but by calling them, naming them: Foul ball! Out of bounds! Or just Ouch. So you upgrade your internal operating system to include this new patch.
You’ve trained family, friends and co-workers how you operate. They know the old interface, and they understand what input they can use with you. So the putdowns come, as usual. And they meet is your new Error Code response: This will not run with me, please change input.
Your operating system version, and their operator protocol are out of sync. You have a choice. You can either roll back to the earlier code, or wait until they upgrade to the new parameters. Sometimes you have to help them upgrade, by explaining where things have changed and why. Then you’ll be in sync again. Until the next code change.